first dates.

I was on the train today when I saw an indian couple walk in.
I say COUPLE because it was just e 2 of them.. but it was clear to any observing eye that they were on their first date.

you could tell... by the look in their eyes.. the eagerness to lure, attract and get each other hooked. the words they say.. the WAY they said it.. the coy laughter at horrendously lousy jokes and the smiles that punctuated their scrunched-up unnatural faces each time their eyes met.

First dates always start out awkward and uncomfortable.
you keep wanting to find out what he thinks of you.. or if your top makes you look fat... if what you just said sounded intelligent enough or was too serious.. if your hair is exactly the way you want it or if your jokes were genuinely funny.

You question your ability to first appeal to your date physically, intellectually.. then you start questioning your ability to cope with the impression you are leaving... askin over and over.. if he'll accept you even when your flaws start showing.. in TIME.. you tell yourself.. in TIME... together with the fading away of the initial get-to-know-you-though-i-think-you're-perfect period will come the realisation that you are actually scarred and imperfect in more ways then he could possibly now imagine...

first dates...
such facades... such masks .... such hopeless falacies..
sigh...

but i know I'll indulge it them sooner or later.. i HAVE to... I don't wanna live the rest of my life alone...

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a random comment after seeing the pasta on Bao's blog..
i miss the pasta he used to cook for me...
it was yummy YUMMY tooooooo! *sigh*