another flatline...

i tried to search for it... some form of anger... or disappointment, some degree of ... i dunno.. being pissed off... or something...

nothing.
another flatline.

has it become a norm?
I keep feeling like I'm fed false hope and a false sense of love everytime we talk...

you say one thing... tell me, promise me... but what i see and what i hear...
it hardly coincides with what ever happens...

stop lying to me. stop telling me things you don't mean to keep or hold true.

I'm not here for you to love only when it's convenient for you...

how can I find fulfillment in a relationship where I'm SQUEEZED into your timetables and schedules? ....

you once told me that a relationship needs working at to keep going...
besides talking and saying and yelling... have you actually DONE anything to assure me? to show me? to let me know?

I wake up early in the wee hours... stay up till 3 in the morning... and we chat.. happily for an hr? 2 hrs? .. sometimes 3? ... its' all in YOUR good time.. when it's all good and easy for you...
but ... I need to live my Singapore time as dawn breaks just a couple of hrs after we go to sleep... I need to run between time zones night after night...

and you wake up... 30 mins earlier ONE day... and expect what? ...
i am ... really sincerely am happy that at least a fraction of effort is shown... but please.. do not expect me to appreciate it to your expected extent.

You say I pick fights...
I say I'm trying to do what I can... and I think I've done quite enough.

no more "fight picking" ... it's just not worth trying to iron out issues I'm dealing with.
maybe I'm better off trying to solve my problems on my own..
.. to be my umbrella indeed.


i don't like you very much now...
you're selfish. and mean.