woke up feeling like s.h.i.t.

i woke today and felt like s.h.i.t
saw his msg.. asking to have dinner after exams instead... and started crying..

I feel so alone...
and i feel the weight just crashing down on my without Adrian by my side to help me in any way...
I feel so..SO.. alone...

I REALLY want to go to France this Dec to spend Christmas and his bday with him.. but I'm SO afraid my daddy wouldn't let me... and I don't even KNOW how to begin asking my parents.. and even IF he lets me.. I would want to pay for my own tix cos it's freaking ex... but HOW?!? HoW?! ... I don't have a job and saving every single cent of my allowance won't even get me a ticket there.. much less ANY spending money in France...

then I was hoping to bet my exam results in exchange for an air flight but 1. I'm not sure of my own capacity and 2. even IF i win and my dad BUYS me the ticket.. my daddy ain't rich and it STILL wouldn't sit right with me... tSk!


Argh... i need to do well... i need to go to France... i need to study... i need to get my daddy to say yes... i need to earn $$$ but most of all.. I really need him now...

i really REALLY need people around me now... i really REALLY need comforting now...
pls be nice.. even if you have to pretend to. i don't care anymore...

dear... it's been only 4 days.. and I've never cried 4 days in a row before... when will it stop? ...